"I'm prepared to have a day job or have a separate form of income and then want to do my creative things, but I will no longer compromise on creativity and the arts being the center of my being, being the center of my life."
Tuesday 4 June 2024, Canterbury High Street, United Kingdom
Who are we talking to? Soraya
Who is the interviewer? Vanessa
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VANESSA: So first question–what are you passionate about?
SORAYA: I'm passionate about quite a few things, but I would say my biggest one would be the arts as a whole. As someone who has always been a performer and always been a creative being, someone who dances and sings and acts and draws and paints, and arts has always been my everything. I carry it with the biggest honor, like it's something I'm so, so passionate about. Whether it's to do with varied representation in terms of stories or if people present it and also bringing, I guess, awareness to things that are important in the world, because art as a core is its own form of revolution. The arts have always been a sense of standing up for something. The arts have always meant something. The arts are inherently political, so that's something you can never separate from.
VANESSA: Is there like a personal political message for you, like when you do your art or when you engage with art? What is the message that you're looking for?
SORAYA: I don't know. It's definitely not a pick one kind of thing, because I would say every political issue is inherently intersected. So whether it's feminism and standing up for POC and the Black community, or standing up for refugees, standing up for places like Congo, Sudan and Palestine, they're all inherently connected.
You cannot talk about one without the other and that goes towards the same thing for things like feminism and racism. All of it is so severely intersected. I don't think there is a way to be like one specific political message, because all of them heavily correlate. So when you bring up one, you gotta bring up the other, which then connects to another.
VANESSA: So it's like a little cycle?
SORAYA: Yeah, it's a cycle 100.
VANESSA: I mean, is there anything that inspired your passion for arts? So, like you've always been a performer, I remember like your documentary and like I've always just thought like what inspired you? Because you weren't living in the UK before. So how was that different?
SORAYA: I would say what has always inspired me was because my culture is inherently very creative. I think, as much as we want to pretend that it's not as relevant now or that it's purely traditional—it's not. Like a lot of the core of my culture, along with a lot of other ethnic cultures, we have so many roots in dance. In Malay culture, there is also inherent roots in puppetry, in terms of storytelling, in terms of music, our instruments all of it is so integral to where we come from. For instance, with music, a lot of our local instruments are literally made up of our environment. They're made up of local fauna and flora and I don't know, I guess, growing up in my culture, where it's kind of always been around me somewhere, like at weddings, there's traditional instruments.
I was put into traditional dance from a very young age. Also, in terms of visual arts, we have our own fabric and ways of painting fabric, ways of utilising dyes and waxes. Art has always been around me since I was really really little and I think the fact that I was put and introduced to music and theatre and dance is, I think, just luck, but it was around me all the time anyway. There was no avoiding that.
VANESSA: What do you think about when you think of your future? I know that you're still here right now, but you're technically a graduate. So is the plan to move back to Malaysia?
SORAYA: Scared, so scared, but also so excited. I guess I have a very dear friend of mine, they're literally touring in a musical show that is very based in their culture, in their Gujarati culture, and they said to me that every time before a show I would be shaking and terrified. But they turned to me and would be like oh, there is a very fine line. Anxiety and excitement are the same thing. So when I say I'm nervous or I'm anxious, I just try to psych it out, be like “No, I'm just excited.” No, I'm terrified for my future, I have graduated.
I want to stay in the UK because my specific industry that I really want to be in would be musical theatre, and the UK is the home of that. There is the West End right in London and it is one of the best places to be doing what I do. I also don't want to really go to the U.S. I would love to be on Broadway, but New York and the idea of the U.S. is so scary. So here is at least somewhere I'm really comfortable with. I would love to stay, but unfortunately for the next few months, from late July to early August onwards, I will be in Malaysia, but I will still be doing what I do. I will 100% be swinging right into the arts when I get home and hopefully, at some point, when I get to come back to the UK, I will be doing the same thing.
VANESSA: What is the industry like in Malaysia?
SORAYA: Oh my god. So I'm very lucky. I was born and raised in the capital, in KL, so I am right in the heart of where a lot of that is and I can honestly say it's amazing. It is so full of color and so vibrant and so diverse. Just Malaysia as a country, because we have always been so multiracial and so mixed multiracial culturally down to language. You can so see those influences in the creative industry and especially in music theater, has been there. She wasn't as loud when I was growing up but she's really, really booming now. I have a very dear friend who just did a rendition of Cinderella at home where they incorporated local childhood jokes and local slang and they kind of just localised Cinderella, which I thought was really fun. But the creative industry and the arts industry in Malaysia is stunning. I don't think you will find the level of diversity in terms of medium and experience and representation the way you would in KL. It's crazy.
"Inherently, doing art and being able to pursue it, whether as a hobby or as a full fashion in itself, is a privilege."
VANESSA: In terms of you like moving into that area of the industry. What would that be like? Would you find, like, would it be difficult? What is the process in Malaysia? Because, like in the UK, people post on their socials and try to get a social media presence, is it kind of the same vibe in Malaysia?
SORAYA: Honestly, yeah, I would definitely say so. I would say it is very similar in terms of, you know, having to have a presence on social media. But part of me really hates that side of it, because I've been in castings before and I've seen casting ads for short films or series, on cable TV at home, where they will require a certain number of followers. Which is kind of frustrating, because I have seen people who are insanely talented but don't make the cut because they don't have the number of followers, and I've seen the opposite, where people have an insane number of followers and don't carry with the talent. I just feel like it's a really weird barrier where it's kind of not fair. But also at the same time, I guess, because it is still quite young, I would definitely say it's getting better now. But the last time I was home I’m noticing It's progressing a little slowly, but definitely progressing where there's still a big thing of cronyism and nepotism: if you know someone, your whole body is in the door. It's not even one foot in the door. It's so easy to get in once you know important people.
And unfortunately that has to do with a lot of elitism, because inherently, doing art and being able to pursue it, whether as a hobby or as a full fashion in itself, is a privilege. You would need to have the time and the resources and the energy to fully pursue that. So, because that's the case, unfortunately there's several people within the creative industry at home that make it really hard to get in when you don't have some form of being well-off or fitting the beauty standard or knowing who you know. I would say that's the only bit that's really frustrating. I can also say that from a point of privilege myself, growing up in the center of everything and being born and raised in the city center, how I was raised. I come from quite an affluent family, so the fact that I was able to be in the arts and be as exposed, especially to the western side of the arts, as I am is something I was very lucky to have that a lot of people don't have, and while, yeah, that does help me want to break into the industry at home, in terms of fitting specific standards, I don't think they should be upheld at all. I think it's ridiculous. So well, for me it might be a bit clearer of a path when I go home. I'm not saying it's not going to be difficult, yeah, it'll have its own set of challenges. But definitely I don't think I can complain.
VANESSA: What time do you usually wake up or bed split sleep?
SORAYA: So this depends. Sometimes I'm really good and I'm like a little grandma who falls asleep at like 10. The second nine hits, I'm like, “All right, I'm done now.” But sometimes, like, as of this past week, because I've been so busy, I think my adrenaline and energy have been at like all-time high for several days straight. That sh*t makes it really hard to go to sleep. So I've been sleeping at like 3 AM and then up at like 2 PM, which is not good, but when I'm fine and like on a regular, not super stressed, not super busy. I'm pretty good. I guess. I'm up by 9 usually and I sleep at least before midnight, like by 11:30ish.
VANESSA: Okay, that's very good. What was your dream job as a child? As a child, is it still the same dream you have now?
SORAYA: No, which is really funny. I wanted to be a veterinarian, I wanted to go to vet school. Now the idea of any vet school makes me want to die.
VANESSA: That was completely different from what I was expecting. You spend so much time doing creative things, I thought you were going to say a singer.
SORAYA: I think every kid has that where it’s like “Oh my God High School Musical.” I think every kid does have that. But I genuinely wanted to be a vet because I had always grown up around animals. We've always had animals and I was like, oh my god, I want to help all the animals. And I guess the art wasn't wasn't presented as a realistic option for what you want to do growing up. So it was always presented to me as like it's only a hobby and a hobby that's it. It's not something people do professionally, unless you are a Beyonce. Point blank period like it's just, it's not realistic.
SORAYA: It's not something you should think about, so I'm glad I outgrew that mentality though, but when I was a kid I wanted to be a vet.
VANESSA: That is so cute, though I can imagine you having puppies and stuff. I mean animals kind of scared me personally, so I never dreamed about that, but like what's something you've dreamed of for a long time but you haven't done yet?
SORAYA: Something I've dreamed of for a long time I would say, is being able to have a career or be employed but in the arts. Like I have always, always, always wanted to like I came across a phrase in high school that was like “Oh, do what you love and you never work a day in your life.” That’s not true! I disagree with that statement now completely however, I do find myself a lot more fulfilled doing like I'd rather be on a shoot, call time at 6 PM and we wrap at 1 AM and I just do that. It's exhausting, absolutely, but it's an exhaustion that fills me with so much joy. Like I'd much rather be doing that rather than sitting at a desk job or being something that my heart's not in, because if my heart's not in it, it's absolutely useless to me. I want nothing to do with it.
VANESSA: Have you fully decided that creativity and the arts is what you wanna do?
SORAYA: Honestly yeah. Absolutely. I dabbled with it for so long about how it's not realistic, it's not sustainable. You know it's going to be a really, really hard way to get into, but I think I've been very lucky with my, with the people around me, and like the level of support and reassurance I get from people around me about how it actually is an achievable dream for me and I need to stop doubting myself and the imposter syndrome needs to f**k off. But like I said, it's rough when you are raised so explicitly being told that it's only a hobby, like it's not something that you can do full-time at all. And I think only as of the last week I literally turned 25 this year, only as of the last two years or year and a half have I fully been like you know what? F**k it actually f**k it I want to do this, and I want to do this with my whole heart and soul, and that's actually all that matters you know.
Of course, again speaking from a very privileged standpoint money can always be found, but I don't want to live day to day dragging my feet and wanting to die yeah. It means I'm going to have to have a different day job otherwise, because I have a friend who's in the entertainment industry at home and I asked him.
SORAYA: I was like honestly do you think it's realistic? Do you think it can make it? Do you think it's something that's feasible for me? And he was like “No, all creative people have a day job.” And I was like, yeah, I do know that and I think I'm prepared to have that. I'm prepared to have a day job or have a separate form of income and then want to do my creative things, but I will no longer compromise on creativity and the arts being the center of my being, being the center of my life. I don't care anymore.
VANESSA: This is the passion. Okay, what songs have you been listening to recently?
SORAYA: It sounds so basic. I love Tyla. I actually do. I think she strikes the perfect level of it's so soothing and chill to listen to, but it's still like I don't know. It's still slaps. It's still vibey. I love Kehlani. I love Kehlani so much. Mahalia is always there as well, like her songs are always in my head. I don't know. People are always like “Oh, if you don't make like big, astounding, like really wow, music then it’s like oh, it's sh*t, it's boring.” Like no, I disagree, art of every form is absolutely valid. And I think that fully includes, like, people who explicitly make really chill r&b. They're not any less important than I don't know something really big.
VANESSA: Like a rapper or something. It’s still impactful.
SORAYA: Yeah exactly. 100%, and it's something that, like, I can listen to passively, because it chills me out. It calms me down. It's something, instead of it being something like, “Oh, I only want to listen to when I want to be hyped or when I want to be like Big, big, big Energy.” It's sh*t I can listen to when I'm chilling at my house cooking, going to the shop, like in my day-to-day life things I do way more often and the vibes that I want way more often are in those songs.
VANESSA: What's your proudest accomplishment?
SORAYA: My proudest accomplishment. I honestly would say not to like super, plug it right or anything but when I was on committee at POCAS and we did Showcase that first time. I think to this day that's my proudest accomplishment, because it's carried forward, which is amazing. I could not ask for something better. That idea started with me proposing that, “Oh, performers should have their diva moment. They should have a bigger stage.” Because I love open mics. Open mics are wonderful platforms for you to feel comfortable, not too threatened, you know, not too pressured, not too many eyes on you, because people are there doing other things as well. But what if you want the opposite. What if you want all eyes on you. You want that moment. You want that moment in the spotlight, which there's nothing wrong with. I'm a big proponent of attention-seeking and what about it? Look at me, look at my art. If you're honest about it, then look at us.
VANESSA: Seek that attention!
SORAYA: Exactly, and everything creative is inherently so communal, you know you are not. You're not a performer without your audience and they're not an audience without watching a performer, so you need each other. Like to an extent, obviously, don't compromise yourself for the sake of an audience. Different game, but there's nothing wrong with, I think, being excited to be seen. I love when people come to shows that I perform at and I'm pretty sure every other performer can stand for that same thing. So I just feel like I would definitely say the biggest achievement would be the Showcase. Because the fact that that was something I proposed was just like a light little idea of like, “Oh my god, people should have their little Beyonce moment.”
And it's now carried forward after I've graduated. And that first Showcase I sat there with one of my other committee members, I think Sean, on his iPad I sketched out the layout for the stage and where the lights are gonna be and I put that forward. I didn't do it alone, absolutely not. But the fact that it did, that I was able to contribute such a large amount to it and it's carried forward and given more people a platform is (shrieks) I love it. I love it so much I think it's really sick.
"[The] arts has always been my everything. I carry it with the biggest honor."
VANESSA: I love how you guys came up with the idea because I never would have thought to expand POCAS in that way, so I love that, like we were able to do it again this year. And like what's your inspiration process, like what do you do to get you thinking of something?
SORAYA: I never noticed it, like it's not deliberate, but I realized something I always lean on is a new level of complex, like I have a very—this can be toxic sometimes but I try not to let it—but I have an inherent belief that there is truly no limit. Like when they say, “Oh, the sky's the limit.” Yeah, I can see how that's scary, but at the same time, that also means you are always chasing the idea of the best, so the best doesn’t actually exist.
But that's also a good thing in the sense of you're never going to not be the best, because you always are, at a single point in time, like I think I'm the best I've ever been. Right now, that doesn't mean I can't improve, and that doesn't mean I'm sh*t either, but as of right now, I'm always open to constantly challenging myself. I think it's one of my biggest motivators.
So, whether it's choreo or sewing or painting or singing specifically is one that I've constantly done this with is I'm always looking to one-up the last thing I did. And sometimes it's not great because it's like “That was already really good, how can I one-up that?” It's a lot of pressure on myself, yes. Which is the bit you got to look out for, but I also think it's like it comes with a lot of it builds a lot of trust with yourself and your craft and what you do to constantly want to be better. I think that that is what motivates me. Like with MTS's Thrift, so it's similar to Showcase. Something I've always done is I always want to do songs that are different from what I'm doing in the shows or different to what I've done before. So it will either be something that's a completely different character, completely different genre, a completely different genre, a completely different I think, arrangement of dynamics in my vocals and in its lyrics.
But I'm always wanting to challenge myself somehow, like so I sew as well. And it started off with okay, making things like teddy bears, um, and then with altering my own clothes. But I'm now challenging myself a little bit more—kicking myself doing it—is to refashion a formal gown, like a prom dress, because we have an event with MTS coming out called MTony’s, where you dress up, it's like a ball. It's really cute so I got this dress that I think it's two or three sizes bigger than me, but that's just so I have more fabric to work with and to refashion it, take it apart and redo it. But it's like a big formal dress, so we'll see how that goes. But whether I achieve it or not, I think you learn so much in that process of wanting to improve, and I think that's just more of the point, rather than like I need to be better than last time.
VANESSA: It's more about the journey.
SORAYA: Yeah, it's more like you end up learning so many new things along the way of wanting that for yourself. Yeah, I would say that's my process.
VANESSA: And you do lots of different things. Which form of expression is your favorite? Because I really like you when you're singing, Like MTS was my first time seeing you acting, so I would say I like you the best as a singer. But how do you like yourself best?
SORAYA: I would honestly say I love myself most as a musical theater performer, because I do love singing, absolutely. There's nothing that fills my heart more than singing. But I don't think I could ever just be a singer on its own. I think the core of being like because I always, I never really say I'm a singer, because I don't release music, I don't write music, so I feel like it's a weird thing to claim, but I will always say that I am a performer. With my heart and soul I'm a performer. You can throw me on a stage and it is. It's terrifying and I'll be so anxious, but it is also where I feel so heard and validated. So I would say it would be a mix of acting, singing. I do love dancing, I'm just not as good at it.
VANESSA: I mean musical theatre is the perfect soup of all those different things. And also like, even if you're not on the cast, there's so many different things behind the scenes that you can do. Like honestly it does put like all forms of art together.
SORAYA: I think it’s such a core in terms of how much of its foundation is shared with the idea of the arts in general. Because inherently no show will run without its cast. Like, whether you like it or not, musical theatre is a team sport. Like you cannot be out there only thinking about yourself. You cannot be out there having that kind of attitude. Because it is inherently communal down to its core. I think that's what I love so much about musical theater.
"I'm a big proponent of attention-seeking and what about it? Look at me, look at my art. If you're honest about it, then look at us."
VANESSA: Describe the moment you realized your passion for art.
SORAYA: I think because it was always a safe space for me. I think it gave me multiple outlets because, as a very typical ADHD child who would get into things for a little bit and then be like, “Okay, I'm bored and I want to put my energy elsewhere,” like my mom has always been so supportive in the sense of like, “Okay, you don't want to do this, what else do you want to do?” And she put me in front of a different art form and that cycle would keep going. You know it would be I'm bored of piano, I don't want to do it anymore. I was put in drums. I'm bored of ballet, I don't do it anymore. I was put in hip-hop.
I don't want to paint anymore, I'm bored. I was put in sculpture and like physical arts and crafts. I didn't want to dance. I was put in gymnastics. Like I was constantly being given all these outlets for all these different types of energy, because I would say the energy that I have and need for something like painting and the ones that I need for dancing and singing—completely different. But all very big things, very big outlets, very big feelings that need to come out somewhere.
So I don't think I had that realization specifically, but because it was so integral to me functioning and like having my spaces and so many different things. It was always gonna be part of my life for a long time, like there was no way I was giving any of that up. I think because I was like, “Oh my god, this is something I love, I really enjoy.” It makes me so happy and, fortunately enough, I'm also very good at it. You know, like it comes so natural to me and it's where I'm genuinely my happiest, so it was kind of always going to be a part of me. There was never going to be a time I was going to give that up.
VANESSA: Period. Is there a specific food or drink that you have like before you go on stage, like before you start creating?
SORAYA: (Laughs) I feel like a lot of other artsy people can relate to this: I am a little caffeine fiend. Which is not good, it's not great. However, I feel like it is a necessary stimulant that I tend to need, especially for the energy to keep up in big shows. But in terms of like the general process, like when I just sit and paint or sit and sew, a lot of water. But also—because this is very integral to home and how I grew up in my childhood—Milo with ice, like iced Milo. It's so Malaysian, because it's so freaking hot at home, we put ice, everything's iced. You don't really have non-ice drinks.
VANESSA: I kind of want to try that now.
SORAYA: It's so good, I love it. I got my partner onto it. But yeah, ice Milo, it's my little comfort drink.
VANESSA: Final question: what's been on your mind recently?
SORAYA: The stress of going home. That's definitely been on my mind.
VANESSA: It's been a while since you've seen everyone?
SORAYA: Well, no, I was home over Easter because it just happened to overlap with Eid. So I was home for Eid and it was great, but it's more of a I didn't anticipate to need to go home. Like I fully wanted to be in the UK and get a job here and stay on and fully pursue the arts here. But unfortunately, as an international student, that's just not been in my favor and I'm very grateful for the fact that I have a family that can financially support me while I've been here unemployed. But you know, understanding that it is still a lot of money, especially with the exchange rates and stuff, I'm instead headed home and still looking for a job here. But just because it's a lot cheaper and I don't have to be so reliant on my father for financial help, I will be going home, but I will be back. I refuse to acknowledge it as a goodbye. It's absolutely f***ing not, I will f***ing be back (Laughs).
VANESSA: We'll see you again.
SORAYA: You will, you actually will in November, because I have to get to Gambino, which I would rather die than miss. So I will be flying back for Gambino.
VANESSA: I love that, but, yeah, it's gonna be great. I think you're gonna go back to Malaysia and be like, “Wow, yeah, amazing, living here”. I feel like living is different to visiting.
SORAYA: Very. Yeah, it's extremely different.
VANESSA: It's just like London but I feel like it just feels different. It's the summer, and then you move out and you move back in and it's like wait, this is a whole other experience.
SORAYA: I agree as well. As much as London is central for a lot of the things that I do want to do, I don't know if I could see myself living in Central London. She's rough. Every time I go there I'm overwhelmed as hell. So I feel like it would have to be a commute vibe. Which I wouldn't mind, as long as I don't have to live right smack in the middle of Central London. Although the streets are expensive!
VANESSA: Yeah.
SORAYA: I cannot afford that being in the office. It's not gonna happen.
VANESSA: Right in the middle. Yeah, but the suburbs are a vibe.
❀。• *₊°。❀°。• *₊°。❀°⋆.ೃ࿔*:·❀
Photographers: Dante Richardson & Paolo
Photo editor: Dante Richardson
Photoshoot assistants: Hyla Etame, Vanessa Mbeko, & Jolanda Oruni
Interview editor: Hyla Etame